This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
