Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
