My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
