so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
