talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
