A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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