So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize