You really coming over, don't trick.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Four minutes until I can fart!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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