I want to walk on stilts...naked
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
