just come out here and I will go home with you...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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