How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize