Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
