He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
