Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found puke in my bra..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
