a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
