im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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