I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
