is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
