Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
