Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize