Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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