He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
