Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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