RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
