you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
