2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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