We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
