she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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