Do you still have your period?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
