I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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