you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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