Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
