after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
