i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
