Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
