You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
