Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
