If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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