3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
