we're chasing vodka with high fives
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
