Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
