Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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