The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
