now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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