I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Boobs are out for the taking
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
