Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
