We're like a lot better than the average bears
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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