I want to stick my p in your. b.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
