I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i barfeds in our rink
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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