i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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