Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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