Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
