Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's always time for handjobs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
