she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
