sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is wine microwaveable?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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