Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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