You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize