Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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