1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
