Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
