Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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