So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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