just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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