Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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