did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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