Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
