3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
