dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
