I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
